Should i go out in a blaze of glory or not??

i am a man of pride, confidence, competition and ambition, and never let anyone disrespect me. to me its do or die, but i recently made a very bad choice by taking money from a bad guy that i now owe it to.. and i cannot come up with it.. i just can't.. and its the holidays... i don't want my family to get involved.. what should i do???? i'm in a meltdown and for the first time in my life... i'm scared.. but i'd rather die a warrior, in a blaze of glory, than to live a coward.. i never give up, so dammit if i go down, i ain't goin down alone.